These guidelines are suggestions. Groups can always co-create norms that fit their community and culture.

Use “I” Statements

Share your ideas and thoughts in a manner that owns them as your personal views and perspectives, like beginning with “I believe…” or “I feel that…” Understand and acknowledge that your beliefs are rooted in your life experiences.

Listen deeply and lovingly, responding in a collaborative spirit.

Lovingly accept each person’s contributions as reflecting their experience, whether or not the experience is your own or is common to others. Be interested to see and learn from the perspective of others.

Wait a few seconds before speaking

Before you begin to speak, slow down the discussion and keep participants from interrupting each other by taking a few deep breaths after another person shares.

Self-monitor the frequency of your contributions

If you tend to speak readily, slowly count to ten before speaking; there may be someone in the group who needs more “time space” than you to feel comfortable or safe speaking up.

Pay attention to the power dynamics of the group

Has any one of the group “hogged” the time or determined the shape and flow of the sharing, thus compromising safety, respect, or mutuality?

Honor confidentiality

Hold in confidence anything of a personal nature that is shared.