Marty Grundy, April 2002
Small groups can be exercises in listening deeply, without judgment or criticism. The goal is to listen to each other, to ourselves, and to the Inward Teacher who is within each of us. We want to listen each other into a deeper understanding of the divine Presence within and among us.
Such listening is a manifestation of love. This loving listening creates a space in which it is safe enough to let go of old props and ideas, and to open our hearts to receive new insights which the Spirit offers.
A good size for a small group is about 4 to 8 people who agree to meet regularly over a period of time.
Guidelines
We begin with silent prayer, that each of us be open to hear God in ourselves and in each other, that God be present and teach us what God wants us to learn.
This is one suggestion for the first meeting. Out of the silence we take turns addressing the question: What was your childhood or early experience of God/religion/ spirituality? We speak when we feel ready, leaving a space of silence after the previous speaker so that we can savor what has been offered.
In the silence between speakers each of us may ask God to show me where I might pay particular attention. If I find someone’s words jarring or disquieting, or even if they seem outright wrong, I do not speak but silently pray that God give that person what he or she needs and gives me whatever understanding God feels I need at this point.
It is alright to ask a brief question for clarification, or to briefly comment to affirm or encourage the speaker. But usually, the response will be loving and prayerful silence. It is important to refrain from criticizing, correcting, or adding your own advice or experience
at this point.
When everyone in the group has had an opportunity to speak, there is time for more general summary, perhaps briefly articulating common themes or experiences.
Of course, whatever is said within the group will not be repeated to others outside the group. Gossip, even well-meaning, kills trust. And trust is necessary for creating a safe place in which people are willing to speak of that which is very close to their hearts.
As a suggestion for the second meeting, you might ask the question: How do you experience God at work in your life now? The process outlined above is repeated.
Additional Suggestions for Groups
Use “I” statements.
Share your ideas and thoughts in a manner that owns them as your personal views and perspectives. “I believe that…” or “I feel that…” Understand and acknowledge that your beliefs are rooted in your life experiences.
Listen deeply and lovingly, responding in a collaborative spirit.
Lovingly accept each person’s contributions as reflecting her or his experience, whether or not the experience is your own or is common to others. Be interested to see and learn from others’ perspectives.
Wait a few seconds before speaking.
In order to help slow down the discussion and keep participants from interrupting each other, take a few deep breaths after another person shares before you begin to speak.
Self-monitor the frequency of your contributions
If you tend to speak readily, slowly count to ten before speaking; there may be someone in the group who needs more “time space” than you to feel comfortable or safe speaking up.
Pay attention to the power dynamics of the group.
Has anyone group (of age, race, gender, etc.) “hogged” the time or determined the shape and flow of the sharing, thus compromising safety, respect or mutuality?
Honor confidentiality
Hold in confidence anything of a personal nature that is shared.