Introduction

Introduction

Introduction: What is a Meaningful and Connected Life?

Welcome!  Over the coming weeks, we will be exploring and sharing together what it means to live a meaningful and connected life through a Quaker lens.  We’ll look into themes of spirituality, relationships, and finding purpose and connection.  We’ll also look at some of the challenges to building a meaningful life, such as cultural expectations that get in the way (Week 2) and life transitions that can bring stress and uncertainty (Week 3).  Finally, we will embrace these spiritual opportunities and consider our potential to find and follow new paths (Week 4).

This eRetreat is a companion to the A Quaker Way of Living with Dying eRetreat and was originally titled Aging & Living Well.  As we explored the themes of what it means to “live well,” we realized that the lessons apply to all stages of life.  While there is no one pathway or experience through the journey, we all face opportunities and setbacks throughout our lives and we can all learn from each other across generations.  For example:

Studies have been made of successful, happy, retirements and they contain three components:

• Inner Life: This can mean developing or expanding your spiritual life now that there is time in any way that has meaning for you; or, sharing what you’ve learned in life or work with younger people.
• Creative Life: Art, music, gardening, writing can be part of a rich creative life, as can ballroom dancing, keeping a journal, telling stories.
• Connected Life: Meeting activities, volunteering, playing in a band, taking classes, exercise, community improvement.

(Quaker Aging Resources, used by permission)

We’ll ask ourselves, what choices can we make and what steps can we take now to nurture our inner life, creative life, and connected life?    

A key piece of building and living a meaningful life is connection, so we’ll also look closely at the role of both interdependence and isolation and how we can foster relationships and spiritual community that allow us all to thrive.

Last week we explored some of the themes that arise when we talk about a meaningful life: dwelling with God, nurturing relationships, taking risks, embracing brokenness, engaging with purpose, practicing gratitude and generosity, holding tenderly our own mortality, offering ourselves to the world, and more.  This week we will seek to understand the cultural expectations and limited mindsets that get in the way of the purpose and meaning we long for.  We’ll also look to some of the Quaker values and practices that can serve as tools for transformation and connection.

What gets in the way of living a meaningful and connected life?

Throughout our lives, we are surrounded by cultural expectations that tell us who we can be and how we should live.  Our society is driven by values and structures such as youth, beauty, perfectionism, wealth, independence, productivity, consumerism, heteronormativity, patriarchy, and white supremacy, all of which distract us from, or stand in direct opposition to, the deep, meaningful, authentic, and Spirit-filled lives we desire.

Christian theologian Marcus Borg talks about the three A’s of our culture: affluence, achievement, and attractiveness.  These cultural values that surround us shape how we see ourselves, how we interact with others, and limit the options we consider for our lives.  While we may know intellectually that social norms and expectations are just ideas that we can choose to follow or reject, the impact on our lives can be very real.  We carry internalized biases and may fear the social consequences of going against the grain.  We may very explicitly prioritize the values of love, connection, and simplicity, yet find ourselves too busy, distracted, or in-debt to follow-through on the meaningful choice.

We also face internal obstacles as we seek lives of meaning.  Fear, scarcity, and perfectionism can keep our lives small as we avoid risk or failure.  The distractions of pop culture and the internet fill our time and it’s easy to find ourselves lonely, busy, and stuck.  These forces work against a meaningful life and can get in our way no matter where we are in our lifespan.  

Quaker Tools for Transformation and Connection

From the beginning, Quaker faith and practice has been countercultural.  This legacy has left us many beautiful gifts that can support our quest for grounded and connected lives.  The direct experience of Truth invites us to “keep within” and “let the Light show you,” rather than being swayed by external forces.  We can look for guidance in the lives of many early and contemporary Friends who sought and found wholeness, often through countercultural ways of being.  Our Quaker practices of discernment encourage faithfulness and authenticity and our meetings can offer community, mentorship, mutuality, and encouragement. 

Resilient Transitions

Although we can set our intentions on living a life full of meaning and connection, we will all experience setbacks throughout our lives.  This week we’ll be discussing transitions and turning points and the ways that our faith and spiritual practices can support us in being resilient and strong.

Life is always about restarting and rebuilding through transitions.  These can include partnering/unpartnering, leaving home, aging, starting a family, leaving school, the loss of a loved one, career changes, health issues, empty nesting, retirement, moving, changing Quaker meetings, infertility, financial set-backs, or, for all of us this year, living through a pandemic.

Transitions prompt us to ask ourselves, “Who am I when I’m not __________?” (working, in school, “young,” parenting….)  What is my purpose in this next phase of life?” Quaker practices can support us in seeking answers to these questions.  Our faith can give us comfort, inviting us to trust that the struggle will not be forever and planting seeds of hope.  The concept of sacramental living, that the whole of life is sacred, frames our challenges as openings where the Light can shine in.  Prayer, deep listening, discernment, and clearness committees allow us to connect to Spirit and receive guidance.  Members of our spiritual community can offer pastoral care and support, modeling and sharing resilience.  

Resiliency through transitions calls us to take brave steps toward where our life is headed.  While we mourn losses and endings, we also face an opportunity to focus on the gifts and potential of what comes next.  As we navigate shifts, we learn to let go of the old, anticipate what’s new, build new connections and draw on our creativity, spirituality, and faith. 

Transitions bring disruption and may shake our sense of self and our understanding of the world.  Although the specifics will differ as we face new changes, when we take time to reflect on how we navigated previous transitions, we can embrace the tools and perspectives that will help us through whatever we’ll face next. 

Renewal

Over the past few weeks, we have sought to understanding what it means to live a meaningful and connected life.  We’ve looked at what gets in the way and the turning points that can upend our sense of certainty and purpose.  When stuff is thrown at us, such as loss or change or a new life phase, we are forced to rethink what a meaningful life is.  This week, we focus on renewal.  What does it look like to embrace transition as an opportunity for renewal and creative visioning?

Throughout our lives, we are presented with opportunities to follow new paths, to find purpose and new ways to engage, to pursue new interests and relationships that may not have fit before.  We are constantly rewriting our lives.  When we do this with intention, trust, and creative visioning, we can find ourselves transformed by moments of incredible potential.

Viewing transitions as opportunities, we can take time to be reflective in our meaning-making.  We can ask ourselves:  What will my life’s story be about moving forward?  What is my legacy?  What lives on after me and what can I transfer to others?  How can I understand and nurture the new aspects of my spirituality that will support my future growth?  How can I nurture and cultivate relationships that nourish and sustain me, where we can be intimate and vulnerable enough to ask for and offer to help one another?