How have you experienced an intersection between spirituality and sexuality in your life? What is your understanding of what faithful sexuality looks like? How do Quaker beliefs apply to our sexual identities and practices?

Spirituality and Sexuality is the theme for our blog series this fall on Quakeryouth.org. We hope that many of you will blog or post your comments.  This is also an opportunity to talk about your meeting/church/spiritual community's understanding of what faithful sexuality looks like. Do you talk about it? Is it a source of conflict? If you are interested in contributing to the series, please email Emily at emilys@fgcquaker.org

An Introduction For its first three centuries, the Religious Society of Friends was straightforwardly aligned with broader Christian orthodoxy on sexual ethics questions. There were clear collective standards, and Friends could be (and were, in large numbers) disciplined for sexual offences like adultery and fornication...Read More

Becka Haines Rosenberg

Sexuality is a journey, just like spirituality is. We grow into it, the way we grow into the experience of waiting worship. It can be uncomfortable, even painful, but it can also be transformative.  I’ve been told that we should expect to be transformed every time we walk into meeting for worship, even though there are some days when it feels like no one’s talking to us at all, let alone God.  I think we have to approach our sexual experiences the same way.  Because sex is never simply biological.  We learn things through sex: sex by ourselves, sex with other people, sex we only have in our heads.  All of that is opportunity for transformation and growth, for insight into what makes us tick as human beings. It’s when we shut ourselves off to that opportunity, when we minimize it and say, “It’s just sex,” that we get into trouble.  We’ve been given bodies and minds to learn in, and discounting any part of that makes us less able to do the work God calls us to.

I can’t make choices about anyone else’s sexual expression for them, and no one else can make those choices for me.  But part of what living in spiritual community means is that I am surrounded by people who help me find my path.  When we speak with integrity about our own sexuality, we can’t even know who we’re reaching with our words.  I remember things people said at FGC Gathering ten years ago that helped me get where I needed to be then; I don’t remember their names, but I feel the influence they’ve had on how I live my life.  

I’m so grateful for the breadth of experience among Friends, for the wealth of perspectives on sexuality and spirituality I heard growing up.  I’m glad that there were Friends in my life called to a path of celibacy when I started to wonder what I was waiting for; that there were Friends in my life modeling Quaker marriage when I was overwhelmed by the idea of a lifelong partnership; and that there were Friends in my life sharing about other romantic and sexual relationships, long- and short-term, when I was trying to find how I fit in.  I still have plenty to learn.  Luckily, I still have plenty of people to learn from.  And maybe my own sharing will be what somebody else needs to hear one day.

Becka Haines Rosenberg is a member of Alexandria Monthly Meeting (Baltimore Yearly Meeting). She serves on the BYM's Youth Programs Committee and FGC's Advancement and Outreach Committee. She is happily unmarried and happily dating a wonderful woman named Lucy.