betsy-
i'm so sorry to hear you and your quakerhoney broke up! that's so sad.
i'm really glad you wrote this--i definitely feel led to partner with someone quaker (in the long term, anyway). since i'm not around quakers that often, it puts some pressure on quaker gatherings where there are a critical mass of us--gathering, yearly meeting, etc. at gathering in tacoma the father of a guy who had taken my workshop asked me if AYFs came to gathering trying to meet people; i said i didn't think so, because people were worried about seeming predatory (i know i feel that way, anyway). he thought that was funny, because he met his wife at gathering and thought that in the 70s, many twenthysomethings totally expected to come to gathering and meet a partner.
i think there is way less hooking up in the AYF program than in HS; i'm not sure why, since most of us are eager to find a quaker partner. (not that hooking up necessarily leads to a relationship, of course)
perhaps we should establish a Committee on Friends Relationships and think about who would be appropriate partners for eachother, considering things like yearly meeting affiliation, geography, etc. (just kdiding. sort of.)
i'm hopeful that, for me, way will open one of these years and i'll meet a nice Friend to repopulate the Friends world with. ha.
guli fager

"Mentioning Jesus in your speech? That's small government. Actually doing what Jesus asks? That's big government."
--Stephen Colbert, June 21, 2006

For a vast panoply of reasons, being a Quaker isn't one of my criteria for a partner. If I tried to find a match who is Quaker, I'd probably never find one.

Interestingly, Gavin's mention of OKCupid and his views on it are very close to my views. I'd say that the majority of matches that I've had any conversation with at least KNOW other Quakers or know a little bit about Quakerism. Oh, and a lot of them mark their religion as "Other," which gives a great opening to conversation. I'd say that "Other" makes up the...plurality of my matches, with Jewish in 2nd place, Atheist/Agnostic in 3rd, and the rest in tough competition for 4th.

Thanks for the comments, y'all! Okay, I have a confession--Emiliano and I just broke up-basically the day before this went up! Can you believe that? Craaaaaap. :(

My best friend is Mormon and was open to dating outside her faith and ended up with another Mormon anyway. It does make sense in the end. But I also know that even when I wasn't associated with Quakers at all, I already felt at odds with the dating world anyway. It's called being a radical. I have since moved to San Francisco, and finally don't feel like a freak. Not the solution for everybody, but it helps.

Thanks for writing this, Betsy!

Not to diss dating websites, but if you are looking for a romantic relationship with another Quaker, I think the best way to meet someone is going to Quaker events. I know a bunch of people who have found someone both in local YAF events, and in wider Quaker events like FGC Gathering and the Burlington YAF conference last February. My partner / fiancé is Quaker, and FGC Gathering in Johnstown this year will be our 5th anniversary (and in the place that we met. Yay!)

[Edited to fix broken link, and - because the date of my comment got changed - to add a reply to other posts.] 

See my blog post in response to this one: "I would *totally* sign up for a Quaker dating site. As a matter of fact, I have. ... Any other books you'd recommend? Movies? Any good queries to suggest on the topic?"

[Read more]

Also, I've got to say – I'm not convinced either that a separate site is the best solution.  I'm rather liking okcupid for connecting me with people of similar values, and it seems likely to do that for you no matter what your values are. 

-Gavin

I'm with Betsy: I'm definitely looking to marry within the Society. After all, who wants to get read out of meeting? :)

Micah

As a "veteran" of many many (many) dating/matchmaking websites--

I don't know that a site for Quakers-only would really be necessary, as I think that requiring specifically Quaker beliefs would be an unnecessarily restrictive characteristic-- limiting the "pool" of folks unnecessarily. But I understand the desire young Quaker people must have, to meet and date and marry people with similar values.

One service I used way back when was Concerned Singles, and I found it full (of course) of similarly-minded people who, as I see it, many Quakers would find compatible, BUT there was practically no one under 45 on the service (and I was 27-ish at the time). It seems to me that rather than re-invent the wheel, younger Quakers could join up to and somewhat "take over" services like that one. I think like-minded folks would also be likely to be found at book lovers matchmaking sites, eco-conscious matchmaking sites, and vegetarian matchmaking sites, etc. Basically sites that have a leaning toward people who feel their compassion for others is a core value in their life.

I'm just saying that further-and-further-fragmenting the populations who are out there seeking each other, into more and more SEPARATE databses, may not be the best strategy, if people are serious about getting out there and seeking a mate. There's a lot of love out there to be found! (And after looooooong last and so many missteps, I found mine!) So yeah, what I'm saying is: Cute idea, but perhaps in the execution of it, people might be limiting their possibilities.

Betsy, I remember you from back at the NJ thingie. You have the cutest hair and the most pleasant and cheery demeanor-- I'll never forget you, and was happy to stumble on this post of yours.

Can I just be one of many to say, "AWWW"???
I shared this blog with my 16 (today!) year-old brother, and my family. Thankyou for sharing your amazing experience and story! You put the feeling of Friends so well!