Friends and Weddings
From its beginning the Religious Society of Friends has stressed the conviction that marriage is a binding relationship entered into in the presence of God and of witnessing Friends. Before the day of the wedding, when the commitment is made public, the proposed marriage receives the approval of the meeting through the careful consideration of an appointed clearness committee.
The marriage takes place within a meeting for worship, held after the manner of Friends. The couple being married enter the meeting and are seated at the front of the room. During the period of worship, in an atmosphere of quiet and reverence, they rise. Taking each other by the hand, they make their promises, using the following or similar words:
In the presence of God and these our Friends, I take the (name) to be my wife/husband/partner, promising with Divine assistance to be unto thee a loving and faithful wife/husband/partner so long as we both shall live.
Friends do not observe the practice of a father giving away his daughter. No third person pronounces them husband and wife because Friends believe that God alone can create such a union and give it significance. Neither a wedding party nor an exchange of rings is necessary to Friends’ procedure, although both have become customary today.
After the vows are said and the couple is again seated, the marriage certificate is brought to them to sign. Then, the certificate is read aloud by someone chosen ahead of time by the couple. The reading is done with dignity and care so as to contribute to the atmosphere of worship. The meeting for worship then continues with silent prayer, mediation and spoken messages.
The person chosen to close the meeting may make opportunity for the wedding party to withdraw. Those present are asked to sign the certificate as witnesses to the marriage. A copy of the certificate is made for the records of the monthly meeting in whose care the marriage has taken place. The legal requirements are completed by a committee appointed by the meeting.
Many Quaker marriage certificates, handed down from generation to generation, have proved to be valuable historical records. Today, as well, the certificate becomes a cherished possession in the new home, recalling the reverent attitude of worship with which the marriage began and the company of loving Friends who took part in it.
Sample text of Quaker marriage certificate for a gay or lesbian couple:
Whereas [name] of [city, state], son/daughter of [parent’s names], and [name] of [city, state], son/daughter of [parent’s names], having declared their intentions of marriage with each other to [name of monthly meeting] of the Religious Society of Friends held at [location], their proposed marriage was allowed by that Meeting. Now this is to certify to whom it may concern, that for the accomplishment of their intentions this _________ day of the _________ month, in the year of our Lord _________________, they, [name] and [name], appeared in a meeting for worship of the Religious Society of Friends, held at [location], and [name], taking [name] by the hand, did, on this solemn occasion, declare that she/he took [name], to be her/his partner promising with Divine assistance to be unto her a loving and faithful partner so long as they both shall live; and then, in the same assembly [name] did in like manner declare that she/h took her/him, [name], to be her/his partner, promising with Divine assistance to be unto him a loving and faithful partner so long as they both shall live. And moreover, they, [name] and [name], did as further confirmation thereof, then and there, to this certificate set their hands.
couple’s signatures
And we having been present at the marriage have as witnesses hereunto set our hands.
Sample text of Quaker marriage certificate for a heterosexual couple:
Whereas [man’s name] of [city, state], son of [parent’s names], and [woman’s name] of [city, state], daughter of [parent’s names], having declared their intentions of marriage with each other to [name of monthly meeting] of the Religious Society of Friends held at [location], their proposed marriage was allowed by that Meeting. Now this is to certify to whom it may concern, that for the accomplishment of their intentions this _________ day of the _________ month, in the year of our Lord _________________, they, [man’s name] and [woman’s name], appeared in a meeting for worship of the Religious Society of Friends, held at [location], and [man’s name], taking [woman’s name] by the hand, did, on this solemn occasion, declare that he took [woman’s name], to be his wife, promising with Divine assistance to be unto her a loving and faithful husband so long as they both shall live; and then, in the same assembly [woman’s name] did in like manner declare that shetook him, [man’s name], to be her husband, promising with Divine assistance to be unto him a loving and faithful wife so long as they both shall live. And moreover, they, [man’s name] and [woman’s name], did as further confirmation thereof, then and there, to this certificate set their hands.
couple’s signatures
And we having been present at the marriage have as witnesses hereunto set our hands.
Bulk copies of pamphlets in the "Friends And" series can be obtained from Quakerbooks.Org. Copyright © by Friends General Conference.
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