Friends and Children
By Southern Appalachian Yearly Meeting and Association
The foundation of spiritual life is laid in the family. As members of the family foster their own spiritual growth, children come to sense the presence of God. This foundation gives them an assurance and security that helps them order their relationships with God, with others, with nature, and with themselves. By consistently practicing simplicity, honesty, nonviolence and creative response to conflict, service, love, self-respect, and respect for others, parents install these values in their children and also foster the essential attitudes of self-worth, self-confidence, and self-discipline.
A Quaker family, whatever its configuration, is rooted in the wider community of Friends. Grounded in love, it seeks to nurture every member through full acceptance, respect for each other's choices, and common experiences characterized by caring, compassion, open and supportive communication, understanding, and a sense of humor. Friends seek to strengthen and learn from the child's sense of wholeness, We believe that through the family we learn that the source of human love is God's love for us.
This environment provides a context in which children learn morality. Parents have the responsibility to set limits and to make themselves heard as well as to listen. We often have the task of clarifying Friends' values in relation to societal influences and pressures. Friends often express the peace testimony, for example, by refusing to buy war toys and refraining from corporal punishment. It is essential that Quakers educate their children about the constructive uses of anger, the consequences of violent behavior, discernment in sexual activities, and the dangers of addiction. We see loving and teaching, rather than punishing, as the focus of discipline.
We bear corporate and individual responsibility for children within the meeting, who learn from all their experiences with Friends. Although the activities of children sometimes may conflict with the need for silence in meeting for worship, we seek solutions that foster growth in the Spirit for all. In recognition of each member's equality in the Light, Quaker children and adults traditionally call each other by first names or full names, avoiding titles, and regard each other with mutual respect.
A monthly meeting alive with the Spirit provides support for children, parents,
families, teachers, and caregivers, all of whom need loving care. We often
fall short of our ideals. However, in nurturing our children and youth-as
individuals, within families and meetings-we shape the Religious Society of
Friends and witness to the wider world. It is a responsibility we do not take
lightly.
But Jesus called them to him, saying, "Let the children come unto me, and do not hinder them; for to suchbelongs the [community] of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the [community] of God like a child shall not enter it.
LUKE 18:16-17 (RSV)To watch the spirit of children, to nurture them in Gospel Love, and labour to help them against that which would mar the beauty of their minds, is a debt we owe them; and a faithful performance of our duty not only tends to their lasting benefit and our own peace, but also to render their company agreeable to us.
JOHN WOOLMAN (1758)
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