Merciful Jesus
by Anne Thomas, Canadian Yearly Meeting

Merciful Jesus, Pie Jesu

Merciful Jesus, who takes away the sins of the world, grant them rest.

Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, grant them eternal rest.

Several years ago I agreed to lead morning Bible sessions for a Friends conference. I was led to look at some of the stories of women in the Bible for one of the sessions. One of the stories I told was that of the unnamed daughter of Jephthah from Judges 11. Jephthah made a vow to God that if he were successful in battle he would sacrifice the first living thing he saw on returning home. Jephthah's daughter, his only child, ran out of the house to greet him. She affirmed his vow but asked to spend two months with her friends in the hills. On her return he killed her. "My God, why have You forsaken her?"

Most of us know the other story in which a parent is put in a position of killing his only child; the story of Abraham and Isaac in Genesis 22. In that story the child is saved. Why is this story so little known? I ended the session by playing the Pie Jesu (Merciful Jesus), part of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Requiem Mass, sung by a soprano and boy soprano. Lloyd Webber was inspired by a photograph of a Cambodian boy who had the choice of killing his mutilated sister or being killed himself. Many Friends remained seated at the end of the session. As I left the platform a Friend grasped my hand and tearfully thanked me for speaking about the abuse of women. She had been abused as a child, and this was the first time she had felt that Friends cared. It later became clear that, in that session, several Friends found a few threads on which to build a web of healing.

Since the conference described above, I have noticed the frighteningly large number of cases of sexual harassment and abuse that are occurring in our Friends' communities.

At first, little was heard about abuse among Friends, especially in Canada, where newspapers were full of stories of abuse of boys by Roman Catholic priests. "My God, why did You forsake them?"

As Canadian Yearly Meeting's representative on the Interfaith Committee on Chaplaincy and the Correctional Service of Canada, I visited several federal penitentiaries. One of these housed many inmates convicted of sexual crimes, including a group of priests. I met them and heard their stories. They had been encouraged to enter the priesthood in their early teens. Entering pre-seminary training at the age of 15 or 16, they had never had the opportunity of getting to know women as equals. Their lack of ease with women and the ideal with which they had grown up-Mary, depicted as a prepubescent girl, a mother yet still a virgin, set on a pedestal-initiated dreadful consequences when boundaries were broken. In their pain, altar boys were the only objects over which they felt they had power. The guilt and pain may not have equaled that of their victims, but they were suffering deeply and receiving little pastoral support. I thought, "This could never happen among Friends."

The phone began to ring. Victims and perpetrators contacted me. The phone calls found me in the office, at home and at various Friends gatherings. I heard more than I wanted to know. Each story caused me more pain and I grieved again with the unnamed daughter of Jephthah and her friends. The phone still rings and I listen and weep. Sometimes I curse. Calls come from men and women, young Friends, parents, pastors, members of both programmed and unprogrammed meetings.

Rumors began to spread about some yearly meeting staff in the United States. These rumors related to heterosexual and homosexual indiscretions. Some of these situations seem to have been handled less than adequately, leaving anger, pain, destroyed faith and broken community. "My God, why have You forsaken us?" Some monthly and yearly meetings began to look deeply at the pain caused.

I circulated a letter to the secretaries and superintendents of North American yearly meetings several years ago, asking that we look at the situation. I was thinking about the need to look at our own areas of weakness as well as seeking ways in which we might support ourselves and others. Most of the recipients were not ready to address this. Perhaps the timing was wrong. "My God, why did we forsake each other?"

And then in 1991, it came to Canadian Yearly Meeting. "My God, why have we forsaken You?" Serving as a yearly meeting staff member I had no choice but to be involved. I heard from Young Friends of their lack of trust towards certain "weighty Friends." Other Friends spoke of an earlier time when a parent always kept an eye on a particular person following meeting for worship, to be sure he was not left unsupervised when children were in the meeting house. A courageous group of women met during yearly meeting sessions, shared their stories, and presented a report, which has still not been fully addressed, to the meeting for business.

I sit here with tears, questions and no answer. Pie Jesu . . .

- This article was first printed in Quaker Life, May, 1994

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