Meeting for Reconciliation
by Steven Davidson, New York Yearly Meeting,
for the Gospel Order Packet

An Introduction

The Meeting for Reconciliation was developed as a tool for intervening in conflict situations when more informal and personal approaches have failed or do not seem appropriate. Ideally, when a difficult situation arises, those involved will seek each other out in a spirit of reconciliation, hoping to understand each other better and to build a new relationship on that understanding. This face-to-face approach is the first of three steps in the Quaker tradition of "gospel order" as early Friends modeled it on the recommendations of Jesus in Matthew 18: 15-20.

Sometimes, however, this personal approach doesn't work, or is inappropriate for other reasons. In such cases, the more formal approach of the Meeting for Reconciliation may be useful. We recommend it especially in cases where one or more of the parties request it, when private contact between them may feel too risky for one or both of them, and/or when the situation has already escalated to a point of crisis or of chronic disturbance to the welfare of the meeting. The Meeting for Reconciliation can thus be seen as an approach to the second step of traditional "gospel order," that is, meeting as a small group. If such labor in a small group fails to restore peace, the situation may then have to be brought before the meeting as a whole.

We developed this process from two sources. One is the approach used by Mennonites (and some Friends) in their restorative justice for mediating agreements between victims and offenders in certain kinds of minor criminal cases. The other more important source is the actual experience of meetings. First we inquired into the successful experiments of several meetings in resolving their conflicts. There were a number of common elements. These we distilled and modified into the outline presented here. From both sources, we "know experimentally" that the general approach can be helpful. In this specific form, however, the outline for the Meeting for Reconciliation is new among Friends, and therefore untested.

Thus the Meeting for Reconciliation approach is intended as a loose framework only. We hope and expect that each meeting will adapt it according to your needs and style, and for each unique circumstance. We see the basic elements as including, first, meeting with each party separately, and then meeting together as a small group in worship, to provide opportunities both for sharing in safety and for mediating an agreement.

Following are two documents: the first is a brief outline of the process for intervention and recondiliation. The second is companion resource, entitled "A Guide for Conducting the Meeting for Reconciliation," which provides some more extensive background material and further suggestions for how to adapt the process for use in serious and extreme situations, where good order will need to be protected in order to maintain openness to the movement of the Spirit.

Outline of a Process for Conflict Resolution in Meetings

The meeting for reconciliation is a process for intervention and reconciliation in cases of conflict in Quaker meetings. This information sheet serves as a brief outline for a process which has already been used by some meetings in various forms and with varying degrees of success. We hope meetings will continue to adapt this basic outline to suit their particular needs.

Step One

Ministry and Counsel names two people to speak separately to the parties involved, in order to:

1. listen to their views and grievances;

2. determine (and encourage) their willingness to proceed further.

Step Two

1. The two visitors named above confer with each other, and perhaps also with Ministry & Counsel, to prepare for the next step.

2. A meeting for reconciliation is arranged, loosely organized as follows:

a. A period of worship.

b. Rounds of Quaker dialog, in which the parties share what has happened from their perspective, and
how they feel.

c. Another period of worship, opening into . . .

d. A period for exchange between the parties aimed at reconciliation and conducted in a spirit of worship.
This might include a combination of formats, such as meeting for business in worship, worship sharing,
or Quaker dialog, as need arises. The meeting concludes with a minute expressing the sense of the
meeting.

Step Three

The visitors report to Ministry and Counsel. M & C follows through in whatever ways seem appropriate.

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