Tips on Eldering
by Leanna Goerlich and Carol Holmes, New York Yearly Meeting

Eldering is the responsibility of ministry and counsel, and is undertaken by two or more members who are appointed by the committee to meet with the person needing eldering.

1. Create a spirit of worship together.

2. Hold the troubled person in the Light.

3. Seek to be a channel for the Holy Spirit.

4. Be empathetic with the person, even if you disagree with the behavior.

5. Be calm, concerned and loving. Avoid anger and accusations.

6. Give the person(s) a chance to explain the behavior.

7. Be a good listener.

8. Try to be non-judgmental of the person; separate the person from the behavior.

9. Ask clarifying and appropriate questions.

10. Be willing to speak truth clearly with kindness.

11. Assess your own motivation for wanting to elder.

12. Avoid projections of your own bias or problems on the other.

13. Avoid heavy advice.

14. Stop the discussion at an appropriate time.

15. Schedule another meeting if necessary.

16. Honor confidentially.

17. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated. Know your own limitations and the limitations of your meeting to deal with emotional problems.

18. Know the resources of the meeting and the community which might be helpful.

1216 Arch St #2B, Philadelphia, PA 19107		(215) 561-1700. Fax: (215) 561-0759
Website: www.fgcquaker.org		Email: friends@fgcquaker.org