Some uneasiness with the book
Dear Friends:
In reading the book Fit for Freedom, Not for Friendship, I have some uneasiness.
First, the book is negative in its approach. One of my early mentors said to me, "you attract more ants with honey than with vinegar." I have found that having fun with people of diverse backgrounds enriches life.
Second, the book errs in suggesting that friendships across racial barriers are difficult. I enjoy tournament bridge. In 1970 bridge was segregated. I became the first European American to play in the American Bridge Association. I made good friends across the country. One of my African American bridge partners lost his wife to cancer. When he remarried some years later, I was the only European American in the church, but I was the Best Man. How good a friend can you have?
Third, the book criticizes Friends Meetings. I do not know about other places, but when we started the Lousiville Meeting, the city was segregated. We shopped until we found a settlement house that was willing to buck the United Way and allow an integrated outfit meet there. Unfortunately we did not have any African Americans for a long time. We now have our own Meeting House. For the last several years, Tonya, an African American, has been a cherished part of our Meeting. A few months ago she married Ron, a European American member of our meeting in a joyous occasion.
If Friends know about happy success stories, they may be encouraged to emulate them.
To understand more of my own experience with race, attached is a chapter on integration and race from Ethical Business Relationships, a book I wrote from my experience as a business leader. Read the chapter.
If you are interested, you can buy this book from Quakerbooks.
-Lee Thomas
Privilege impacts our view of things
It has been more than a year since the comment before mine was added here, so I have no idea if any of the Friends who commented in 2009 will return here to see what else has been posted... Still, I feel a nudge to chime in.
To Friends Lee Thomas and "Scott" and perhaps others, I acknowledge that as **individuals,** many White Friends (Friends of European descent) can point to exceptions and then say "Therefore this research is inaccurate."
I would say that I struggle very hard at reminding myself that there is a SYSTEM and a connection of SYSTEMS that overrides the (small "t") truth of our exceptions. Just because "it wasn't like that for me... or for my ancestors" doesn't mean it wasn't like that for an immense majority of others who could've worked for change but didn't.
We have the journal of John Woolman (and the writings of others, like Benjamin Lay), yes. But we also have the minutes from committees, from monthly meetings, and from yearly meetings that say that Friends do not unite with the proposals and concerns brought forward--for emancipation, for equal access to education...
I believe it is from a place of **privilege** that allows some of us to say "It wasn't my [family's/meeting's/own] experience, therefore whatever is recorded in minutes doesn't apply."
Since a few writers here add a bit of the counsel they've received when facing complex and painful issues, I'll add a bit of the counsel I've been given as well:
I was told to pay extra attention when there was a call to "create a safe space" to allow "everyone" to speak openly and honestly. I was counseled to be suspicious of such a caution. I was instead reminded that for **generations** people of color in the U.S., especially people of African descent, did not have the privilege of operating in or of speaking into a "safe space." If they waited for such a safe space to be created, they'd mostly still be waiting and nothing will have changed. Instead, I was counseled, that it falls to me, as a privileged White, wealthy, and educated American, to speak even when it is not safe to do so; to risk as my brothers and sisters of African descent have risked.
I'll end my long remark with a quote of something I read in a book about social-class privilege:
"Dealing privilege... requires figuring out all the ways that [people of privilege] are NOT unique individuals. We have to start looking for the unfair advantages we get just because we belong to a group, not because of anything we did on our own.... But unless we learn to see the way privilege works in our lives, we may be helping keep the unjust distribution of resources in place without realizing it--despite our social change actions and beliefs." --pp. 8-9, Classified: How to Stop Hiding Your Privilege and Use It for Social Change.
Blessings,
Liz Opp(enheimer), The Good Raised Up
No matter who we are or what we think we must tell the truth in order to grow. Donna and Vanessa have done that. This book is no fluff piece.
Thanks you guys for telling the truth no matter who it makes uncomfortable.
Don Forbes
I, like Mr Thomas, have an uneasiness with the tone of "Fit for Freedom, Not for Friendship", which I fear, is predominate among our black Friends,,.Having come from a long line of Quakers that goes back to the beginnings with Edward Rockhill Sr. who left England for the Colonies in 1686 after being released from Lincoln Castle for his religious writings which can be seen at the castle today. He founded Quakertown Pa. and during the course of his life was a jewel in the crown of the Society and mankind. Also in this same line are the Haines family who suffered then as well and whose ancestors were part of the underground railroad in Alliance, Oh. I would like to leave you with a thought. If I were to pull you from quick sand, does that obligate me to move you in with my family, and if i don't, does that make me unjust. Shouldn't you derive dignity from just being grateful, rather than to accuse me, once again, of being unjust?
Scott
It's been a long journey coming to this point.
I feel a special joy.My story as African American Quaker
is now part of the Quaker Canon of Faith.Paul
Donna and Vanessa, you have done a magnificent job! I am so impressed at the amount of work that has gone into this book. I learned so much! I am proud of Friends that we were the first major religious group in America to give up enslavement of our brothers and sisters. Many Friends took great risks to help people escape from slavery. We did a great job of opening and supporting schools for people newly released from slavery. Many Friends responded to the challenges of the civil rights era. There are many other bright spots of individuals, and sometimes whole groups of Friends, seeing that of God, the basic humanity, in people of African descent and hearing God's call to act on that knowledge. It was also helpful to get a perspective on the way Friends have soaked up the greater culture and let their consciences be guided by issues of their own social and economic security. It helps me see more clearly the blinders we still wear today, the ways we are caught up in the dominant culture or in an exclusive self-serving subculture and don't see how we may not be creating communities welcoming to people of color. This book is a challenge to all of us. Will we make excuses, be spiritually lazy, whine about "negativity?" Or will we accept the challenge and muster the courage to see how we are being called to greater inclusiveness?
Patience Schenck, Annopolis Friends Meeting
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