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eing a teen-age Quaker in the United States today can be rough, but the path of life can be tougher in a small community. I live in Champaign, Illinois, and I belong to a monthly meeting that does not include a regular attendee who is within ten years of my age; consequently, I have become extremely attached to Illinois Yearly Meeting (IYM). Through its ups and downs, for the past five years I have made a home with the IYM high school group.

My first experience with the IYM high school group was an Easter weekend retreat during my eighth grade year. We met again during the yearly meeting retreat, but due to graduation, only four of us returned the following summer. Along with small numbers and a lack of activity, the high school group was a forgotten bunch. By my third summer numbers doubled, but at age 16, I was the oldest high schooler at IYM. During the fourth summer the high school group was making its presence felt throughout the entire meeting, shaking up the way high schoolers did business and even taking the floor on the adult business meeting. Last summer, which was my final summer in the program, we had about twenty teens and a thriving high school group. Nothing happened overnight, but inclusion, interaction with adults, and keeping in touch with each other throughout the year were the key points in turning the program around.

In my experience I have found that many Quaker teens, including myself, feel like outsiders in non- Quaker environments. Because we have felt excluded in other situations it is imperative that we not do the same to each other. The inclusion of everybody is the most important element in building a community. When everyone is included, an environment becomes an emotionally safe place. The core of the group, whether it is those people who have grown up together, the oldest members or the most vocal members, need to strive to include the shyer people, those who arrive late and everyone in-between. Teens wanting to build their program must recognize that inclusion is necessary because there is no community without unity.

Whether teenagers want to admit it or not, adults play a big role in their community. The two types of adults involved with teenagers are voluntary adults, those who choose to be a part of the program somehow by being a Friendly Adult Presence (FAP) and adults who cannot help but be a part of the group because they are a parent or sponsor. A “Friendly Adult Presence” should be just that, an adult who is there to oversee the youth activity without being a dictator. The FAP is still the authority, but a good FAP also knows that teens need to be able to trust and respect the adults. At IYM, we have had problems in the past with FAPs not being very friendly and being more than just a presence. These people have good intentions but they ended up dragging down the community. Even with an age separation and having different roles, FAPs and participants can become friends. I have many FAPs that I consider as friends and I still communicate with them now that I am out of the high school program.

The second group of adults are the parents and sponsors. Teens in high school are still under the care of their parents. Ultimately, it is the parents’ decision if their child can attend a gathering. When a parent decides to bring along their child, or let them attend on their own, parents need to figure out if they are sending their kid into a good environment. Whether a program is good or bad, gossip can damaging. Like the FGC Gathering high school program, the IYM high school program had a bad reputation. I should know. I heard all the bad rumors from a parent at a committee meeting. Events that took place before I was born are still remembered today. Now, we have helped adults forget about what happened in the past and look toward a bright future. Since I was a clerk and the oldest, most vocal member of the IYM high school group, the meeting viewed me as the high school leader. I never really realized what was happening, but I have been told things like “My mom loves you,” even though I did not even know that person’s mom. My own mother told me other parents have allowed their children to attend events because I was attending it. I started getting recognition when I opened my big mouth in the adult business meeting and I changed an IYM guideline; I guess I was the first teen to speak in years.

The final piece to the puzzle is keeping in touch with each other throughout the year. I have had problems in my everyday life and I have felt that nobody in the world could understand, but I have F/friends who I keep in touch with during the year who listen to me and do understand me. If I were to list my ten best friends, only three of them would be people who live here in Champaign, all the others are Quakers who do not live close to me. For me, the best friends I have I only see a few times a year. The best time I have ever had in my life has been with other Quakers teens. Attending an event like IYM or the Gathering is not just a week-long event, but rather a month long emotional mountain climb. About ten days before the Gathering I will get very excited, I start my trip up the mountain, during the Gathering, I am at the top of the mountain, and ten days after my mood is still joyous because of a fabulous week. Everyone has good and bad moments throughout the course of a year. The people who get me through the rough times are the F/friends I have met at various IYM and FGC functions.

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Casey Kashnig was born on December 28, 1983 in Milwaukee, WI, the first of two children of Christopher and Jane Kashnig. Casey graduated from Champaign Centennial High School in 2002 where he was an honor roll student and a member of the football team, marching band and symphonic band. Casey has found the “perfect college” for him. He plans on transferring to Earlham College next fall where he will play football. His favorite activities include playing music, traveling and coaching and playing football.

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