any people are attracted to the Society of Friends when they experience the high level of respect for each individual expressed in our belief statements, in our clothing, and in our attention to any one person's need. What they might not see is how this individualism is balanced out, over the years, with a careful discernment process about how we proceed with group decisions. Sometimes this leads to conflict when those who have been attracted by misunderstandings about Quaker faith and practice now push beyond the limits of corporate discernment. Some tension between individual needs and group discernment is always present in our decisions and we have to take the long view to appreciate those benefits. I am not thinking about leadings that often interfere with corporate comfort and are discerned with care, but with the attitude of entitlement as in "My needs take precedence."

This whole concern about the tension between caring for the community and caring for the individual has been simmering for me ever since I had the opportunity to co-clerk the Gathering in 1998. I thought several times that week that I was observing the underbelly of Quakerism. Generally, the problems that arose involved personal comfort, convenience or food. I suspect that, as a group, we have stronger than usual beliefs about how our lives, food, beds, and values should be honored. And some of us have very little elasticity in this intense week-long conference.

One Friend, finding that a program time had been changed, threw books on the floor, knocked over a chair and stomped away, unwilling to speak. Many people searched for ways to be exceptions to the rules. The merest suggestion of a rule was too much for some Friends. They were concerned about problems with their children's assignments, parking, sleeping or playing. When asked to respect a rule, the response was "Oh, I thought it would be okay if I did that."

Perhaps the most difficult situation that year was around food. The college dining hall staff had suspended the usual rule about no bags or backpacks in the dining room in deference to the Gathering, but so much food was being carried out of the dining hall that they reinstated their rule. What I heard Friends say in response was: "My roommate doesn't get up for breakfast and I'm taking food to her." "I only signed up for two meals so I take extra for my other meal." "I'm just hungry a lot." One woman said to a college student meal ticket-taker, "You will have to knock me down and grab my bag before I'll give it up." Another wrote a long angry letter threatening a placard-carrying boycott if not permitted to carry her backpack.

Particular personal needs are usually known to the Gathering staff ahead of time. Since the Gathering operates within a carefully worked out budget, needs that are expensive may not be honored, but these are settled before the Gathering week. It was the day-to-day inconveniences that became more explosive. There were times when I saw people with large amounts of food on a tray (3 entrees, several desserts, 8 pieces of bread). Perhaps if these people had been confronted with humor their behavior might have changed.

Our larger society encourages a legalistic response and the right to anger, to press hard, to call in a support system and personal entitlement is often rewarded. Perhaps, in that context, mere dialogue seems like failure. The Gathering is such a short experience and doesn't lend itself to the carefully paced discernment of clearness committees that we have become accustomed to in our monthly meetings. Though very serious Gathering problems are dealt with quickly and carefully, my concern is with the lesser problems that left smoldering frustration.

Along with the issue of entitlement goes the complicity of those, like myself, who chose to ignore flagrant violation of the rules. The other side of our belief in individuals is the fact that we are not easy judging other's behavior and trying to change it. We need to address the larger questions-what can one expect, what can one demand, what are the responsibilities to decisions made by the Gathering Planning Committee that we all share?

Each year the Gathering is a privileged experience for me, an opportunity to live my values for a week in very special company. I know that this tension between corporate and individual discernment will continue to challenge us. And I will keep looking for new ways to respond creatively.