When You're the Only Friend in Town: Starting a New Friends Meeting

"When You're the Only Friend" has recently been expanded and published in booklet form. Read more and order it here.

Approved by the Friends General Conference Advancement and Outreach Committee, March 10, 2001.

Community is a central part of the Religious Society of Friends. Quakers gather together to worship because something happens in a gathered meeting that does not happen when we meditate or pray alone. We discern God's will for us not just as individuals, but as a corporate body. We share our light with each other, support each other, and help each other test our leadings and insights. It is possible to believe in Quaker teachings in complete isolation, but it is only possible to practice Quakerism as part of a group.

This poses a problem for Friends and potential Friends who find themselves living in an area where there is no Quaker meeting. These may be long time members who have relocated to a new area, or seekers who are attracted to Quaker principles but may have never met another Quaker. In order to practice Quakerism, they need a meeting nearby. What can one do?

Connect to the Quaker Network

The first step is to find the nearest Friends meetings or churches, however far away, as well as the yearly meetings (regional networks of local meetings) which serve your area. The web can be enormously helpful here. Try www.quaker.org, or contact the Quaker Information Center for names and addresses.

A word of warning to newcomers: Quakers come in many varieties. Some practice unprogrammed or "silent" worship; others have church services much like mainstream Protestant denominations. Some expect their members to subscribe to basic Christian creeds, while others are open to a wide variety of language and experience of the Divine. You may need to do some exploration in order to find the kind of Quaker community you want. The information in this pamphlet is intended primarily for those interested in the unprogrammed and non-creedal branch of the Religious Society of Friends.

If you are in doubt about the type of Quakerism prevalent in your part of the country, contact the nearby yearly meetings and ask for a copy of their Book of Discipline, often called "Faith and Practice." Contact the meetings or churches nearest you and ask for information about their worship services. If at all possible, visit the nearest meeting, or the meeting which seems most like what you are looking for.

Normally, new worship groups are started "under the care" of an established meeting. This gives the new group a place to turn for advice and support, and lays the groundwork for becoming part of the Quaker network. If you can't find a nearby meeting interested in sponsoring your group, consider establishing a relationship with a distant one-perhaps the meeting you moved from, or some other meeting you have connections with. Or you can start out on your own, knowing that eventually you will have to find a sponsoring meeting or group.

Find Other People Who Share Your Interest

Even if you find a Friends meeting willing to support you, it may be hours away. To get your worship group started, you will need at least a few other people in your immediate area with whom to worship each week. Family members, co-workers and neighbors are all possibilities. The Friends World Committee for Consultation may be able to give you the names of scattered Friends in your area. You can also ask any nearby college whether they have students who registered their religious preference as "Quaker" or "Friend." By all means contact the Traveling Ministries Program of Friends General Conference. They would love to hear about your worship group, and have many resources that might be useful to you.

You might also advertise in a local paper that you are trying to start a Quaker meeting. Announce a time and place for an initial planning meeting, and see who might turn up.

Select an Easily Accessible Meeting Place and Time

Many groups meet in homes at the beginning, and later move to a more public location. Possible meeting places include churches, private schools, community centers, or business locations, where meetings can be scheduled around other functions. Homes provide an intimate setting, but newcomers will be more likely to attend if the meeting is in a public place.

You may want to meet monthly, or ever other week at the beginning. As soon as possible you should establish a consistent meeting time and place, so that newcomers and irregular attenders can easily find the meeting.

Publicity

Before the first meeting, contact any Friends or Friends meetings within an hour or two away, as well as your sponsoring meeting (if any). Post notices in the local newspaper's church or public announcement section, in free papers, and on community, college, library, store or local TV bulletin boards. Offer an article to local papers, and include names of local people who may be contacted about the new meeting. Friends Journal, Quaker Life, the yearly meeting newsletter, or one of the Quaker web sites may publish an announcement about the new group.

Welcoming, Worshiping, and Planning for Children

From the beginning the new group needs a contact person/correspondent to provide and receive information for the group, and to respond to inquiries by seekers. The new group also needs to identify who will set up and "host" meeting for worship. This may be an individual or a rotating responsibility. The host or "acting clerk" may also take responsibility for helping the meeting to settle at the beginning and for shaking hands with a neighbor to close the meeting.

Many groups will also need someone prepared to provide childcare or a children's program. Often small meetings have few if any children, or children attend irregularly. However, parents feel more comfortable knowing their children are welcome and will be attended to. Some new meetings arrange for age-appropriate reading materials to be used in worship; some provide for quiet play in a nearby room where a babysitter or adult volunteer can provide supervision. When the meeting is ready for a more formal children's program, a plan may be tailored to suit the needs of the children. The Religious Education Committee of the yearly meeting or Friends General Conference can assist in providing material and creative ideas for structuring a First Day School (Sunday School) program.

Vocal Ministry

Some basic guidelines are helpful. Friends need not be afraid of living silence. Friends are responsible for sharing even the simplest message that comes. Friends usually allow a period of silence between speakers and rarely, if ever, are moved to speak twice in a meeting for worship. A good guideline is to ask oneself: "will what I have to say add to the depth of the meeting?" Some meetings follow worship with a time for "afterthoughts," when Friends may share thoughts which came to them in worship, but did not seem to carry the weight of "messages."

Unprogrammed meeting for worship is unique to Quakerism, and may be puzzling to new members. Get together to talk about what happens in meeting for worship, when it is appropriate to speak, and what speaking out of the silence feels like. There are wonderful resources available through QuakerBooks of FGC and Pendle Hill to enrich these discussions. The FGC Traveling Ministries Program or your sponsoring meeting may be able to help you find "seasoned" Friends who could meet with you and nurture this discussion.

Time for Fellowship

Allowing time before or after worship to share backgrounds, concerns, hopes and leadings is essential to defining the group, determining its purpose, and helping each other explore the life of the spirit. Many meetings share a simple meal after meeting for worship. This provides a wonderful opportunity for fellowship, and will be especially welcome where attenders have to travel long distances to the meeting.

Supporting an Ongoing Group

Reaching Out

The meeting will draw more visitors if it has a consistent meeting time and place. Meet every week if possible, even if only one or two people can be there. Advertise when and where meetings will be held, or advertise the phone number of a contact person who can provide that information. Have a sign identifying the meeting, giving the time of worship, and welcoming visitors. You can use a portable sandwich board, which can be set on a walkway or front lawn. Put a welcoming sign on the door visitors will pass through, so they know where to enter. Take turns being at the door to greet new attenders. Offer literature on Friend's worship to first time attenders-a wide variety is available from Friends General Conference. Put out a monthly meeting newsletter. Invite visitors to join you for refreshments or lunch after worship. Make sure you have their phone number and address. Follow up with phone calls or notes, copies of the meeting newsletter and invitations to special events or fellowship opportunities.

Records

Keep a guest book. Ask visitors to sign up to be added to the meeting's mailing list. Keep the mailing list up to date. Keep a complete record of meeting events, correspondence, newsletters or general mailings and minutes from business meeting. A bulletin board, photo album or meeting scrapbook enhances communication and helps preserve the history of the meeting.

Telephone

As soon as possible, procure a separate phone number for the meeting. This can be a voice mail box only, or a separate phone in a member's home. The separate number allows the group to be listed in the phone books. To help strangers find the meeting, arrange for a yellow pages listing under Churches-Friends with a cross-reference listing under Churches-Quaker, as well as white pages listings under Friends Meeting (with a cross reference to Quakers), followed by the name of your worship group.

An answering machine on the group's phone or voice mail message should include the time and place of meeting for worship, directions and an invitation to the caller to leave a message asking for more information. Check regularly for messages, especially as the weekend nears, and respond promptly to requests for information.

Until you have a separate meeting phone, designate a faithful attender to be the meeting contact. Make sure your sponsoring meeting and yearly meeting have the name of the contact person.

Formalizing the Young Meeting

When the worship group is firmly established, it may be ready to move toward formal affiliation with the Religious Society of Friends. Monthly meetings are the legal units within the Religious Society of Friends. They have the authority to oversee marriages, accept a convinced attender into membership and offer support for positions of conscience. They also serve as the testing ground for individual leadings, and the corporate body which can forward concerns to the yearly meetings for consideration.

Ordinarily the first step toward becoming a recognized monthly meeting is to ask your sponsoring meeting to give you formal recognition as an indulged or preparative meeting. The Book of Discipline in your yearly meeting will explain the requirements and procedures. This formal relationship allows you to take advantage of the legal standing of the parent group. Your attenders can become members of the Religious Society of Friends through the parent meeting. The parent meeting can approve weddings under the care of your meeting. Formal affiliation also permits donations to be tax-deductible, and may give you a sales tax exemption certificate for meeting purchases.

Some meetings may remain in the "preparative" stage for decades. Others quickly find themselves ready to take on the responsibilities of a monthly meeting. When there is clearness, the new group may apply to the yearly meeting for recognition as a monthly meeting, capable standing on its own.

As you become a preparative meeting, and then a monthly meeting, you will need to establish close ties to your yearly meeting. Make sure your group is on the yearly meeting mailing list. This will automatically connect you to national and international Quaker organizations with which the yearly meetings affiliate, like Friends General Conference, the Friends World Committee for Consultation, Friends Committee on National Legislation and others. Take advantage of the opportunity to meet with other Friends at yearly meeting sessions, or larger Quaker gatherings.

Meetings for Business

It is generally good practice to meet for business monthly. The small new meeting generally functions as a "committee of the whole" until there are enough active members to form separate committees. Decision making among Friends is based on a "sense of the meeting" or agreement by those participating. Positions of responsibility usually include clerk, treasurer, recording clerk and committee clerks or contact persons.

Keep minutes of all business meetings. Items dealing with meeting policy, membership and other important issues are recorded or "minuted" and may be needed for legal and other reasons in future years. Keep copies of all correspondence. Telephone communications of important meeting business should be confirmed in writing. Maintain two copies of minutes and important documents in separate locations on acid free paper. The yearly meeting or parent monthly meeting can help with storage and preservation of records.

A simple calendar or monthly listing of annual business and financial responsibilities can help avoid confusion. A phone tree and/or e-mail list can be invaluable. It is helpful to circulate a "meeting directory," or up to date listing of attenders at least once a year. A newsletter or calendar of upcoming events will help keep everyone informed and raise levels of interest and participation.

Committees

When you are ready to create committees, do not feel that you have to set up all possible committees right away. Too many committees can overburden a young meeting. Start with a small group to oversee the meeting for worship and handle pastoral care issues. This is often called "Ministry and Nurture" or "Worship and Ministry." One or two people may be needed to work with the Treasurer on budget and finance issues. A contact person or small group can receive and share information and peace and social justice issues. You might need a few people to plan childcare or religious education, and a few more to oversee refreshments after meeting for worship. Be guided by the interests of your members. When a committee is no longer functioning, it should be laid down.

Summary

Planting the seed, and nurture a new Friends meeting may require patience and persistence. The first step is to gather and wait in the Light. It is vital to keep the new worship group spiritually centered and grounded as a loving supportive community. Avoid overextending the meeting; expect to experience ebbs and flows in attendance and participation. Friends tend to move slowly. It may take a few years, or many, to become a monthly meeting. Some groups prefer to remain a worship group indefinitely. What matters is that the members of the group support each other as they seek to live in harmony with the Divine Spirit.

"All things are best fulfilled in their own time and time there is for all things."
-Milton, Paradise Regained